Along The Rails

Now, I know all of you are headed to the Elko County Fair in Nevada on September 1.  As we can see, its history is storied indeed.  From the fair’s website:

The first Elko County Fair was first held in 1920.  However, there were two years when the Fair was canceled, once due to hoof and mouth disease and the second time was due to lack of funding.  So, with a little quick math this will be our 87th Fair.

Okay?  Leave that hoof and mouth disease at home, everybody, and get your handicapping prep work done.  I want you to be ready.  Let’s have a look at the entries:

RACE 2

Don’t miss this one, as it has the best and scariest named horses on the program.  Best:  Olympic Spark.  Well-timed, owners!   Even though he’s a gelding, so I’m not thinking a whole lot of sparking is going on when the day is done!

And then there’s File Corrupted, an eleven-year-old gelding.  His file’s been corrupted, all right.  Otherwise… good luck.  You’re going to look at that name, and you are going to experience a jolt of anger and frustration known only to those of us who have ever been screwed over by a computer, which would be… pretty much everybody in the First World.

Plus?  Dude’s eleven.   That means he was named years and years ago, pre-Windows Vista, even, which indicates a high owner level of furor.  Poor File Corrupted.  Come live with me.  I’ll rename you Enormous Biceps, or something.

RACE 3

Whenever I come across a curious T-bred name, I immediately check out his or her lineage, which usually provides a clue.  Seabiscuit, for example, was named for ancestors bearing the names Tea Biscuit and Hard Tack, which were biscuits eaten by sailors. Breeding charts are almost always little stories.

But in the case of Holy Deuce, a filly who was bred in Florida… I got nothin’.  I’m telling myself she was named after John Paul II, and leaving it at that.

RACE 4

Moonlitestar, ahhhhhh, so pretty.  I hope she sleeps in a canopy bed in the barn.

But she’s running against Aussie Breeze, who was bred in California!  She has to win!

I bet that breeze smells like Bloomin’ Onion.

RACE 5

Bh Dash of Ginger:  And no, that is not a typo.  Okay, I don’t bet on horses who sound like recipes?  Especially ones which might appear on Lifetime cooking shows?  So let’s work on that, and then we’ll talk.

Then again, Bh is running against Royal Mistress, and to name a horse that is just mean.

RACE 6

Bonk.

There is a horse named… Bonk.

No. No, no, no, no, no. No.

Especially when the dam is named “Sky Tricksie.”

Just… no.

RACE 7

The entry list for this one looks like a typewriter threw up all over the racing form.  We have Splishinandasplashin, Jw Marshall, and Aj Iminatrafficjam, which sounds like a bad excuse.  And, of course, This Snow Shows Klas.  Yes, Klas.

I wish you the very best of luck.

RACE 8

One for two-year olds.  Aw.  Cheer for Leroi Victor, who is already a gelding.  And named “Leroi Victor.”

RACE 10

It’s the Politically Incorrect Special!  Head to the windows to support Bc Injun Trouble, or perhaps Mick de Quick!  Then proceed immediately to sensitivity training!

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