Along The Rails

I’m posting this now so you’ll have time to order up an 18-wheeler to deliver the supplies. ABC and ESPN are planning something like nine hours of coverage between them, and you’d best be prepared.

SIP WHEN

…somebody references “history”

…Big Brown trainer Rick Dutrow is referred to as “troubled,” “controversial,” or “tumultuous.” (Two sips for “tumultuous.” That one’s more rare.)

…one of the jockeys says, “We’ve got a great horse, and I think we stand a chance.”

…there’s an extensive discussion of All The Near Misses Since Affirmed

…somebody refers to Big Brown as “a very special horse”

DRINK WHEN

…Kent Desormeaux’s wife pops up on the screen in a strapless dress

…the censors bleep a Dutrow F-bomb

…the anchor says, “Let’s have a look at the odds!” and the odds totally haven’t changed for the past forty-five minutes

…Chris “Ivy” McCarron says something awesome

…one of the handicappers says something awful

CHUG WHEN

…the Parade of Dead Horses Past begins, and the anchor says, “With us now is a representative from PETA, who…”

… people start hitting each other in the owner’s box during the race replay

…somebody actually recognizes the fact that there are, in fact, other races going on that day

…one of the connections of Secretariat is interviewed, and asked very seriously if Big Brown could beat him

PASS OUT, NOT TO BE AWAKENED UNTIL NEXT SPRING, IF

…Big Brown loses, and the complaining that The Breed Just Isn’t What It Used to Be begins

…Big Brown wins, and the complaining that The Breed Just Isn’t What It Used to Be begins

Trackback URI | Comments RSS